


The Seven Jewels

by ThereCanBeNoRedemptionWithoutBlood



Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst, Everyone Loves Neal Caffrey, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Neal, Mystery, Past Neal Caffrey/Kate Moreau, Peter And El Act Like Caffrey's Parents, Romance, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Sick Neal Caffrey, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-24 10:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6151136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereCanBeNoRedemptionWithoutBlood/pseuds/ThereCanBeNoRedemptionWithoutBlood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in season 3 slight AU events. Caffrey is on a self destructive path after the events surrounding the treasure. Everything in his life is falling apart unbeknownst to his closest friends untill a new case arrives and with that an old flame... *Warning Triggering Content*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

don't own White Collar or the gorgeous Neal Caffrey! All rights go to there respective owners.

Set round about season three, slightly AU events. Warning - Triggering content.

Chapter One

Neal Caffrey sits quietly in the corner, his mind running with thoughts. Thoughts of everything. The treasure, the very same treasure that nearly destroyed his friendship with Mozzie and Peter, destroyed his relationship with Sara and nearly got Elizabeth killed! Peter still hates him, off that Neal is quite certain of. He may not show it directly and may act like he's just displeased and untrustworthy of Caffrey but Neal knows he must hate him for what he did. As he Neal Caffrey hates himself for what he did. Something he cannot escape from.

Peter Burke watches Caffrey curiously, usually the kid would be bright and cocky and trying to piss everybody off yet today he isn't. He's quiet and has secluded himself from everyone today, offering answers when questioned but nothing more. Peter raises his eyebrow to Caffrey, who avoids his gaze. Yes, Peter may still be quite distrustful of him after what happened with the treasure and Elizabeth but he cannot escape the fact that Caffrey is his responsibility and that despite everything he is his friend and he could never ever hate him. Something he is not sure Neal is aware of at this moment in time.

At lunchtime Peter walks over to the silent ex con man.

"Want to grab a bite?" He mumbles, Caffrey looks up at him with his bright blue eyes. "No that's alright. I made plans with Mozzie." He murmurs, a lie of course. Peter nods, believing Neal's lie. "See you later then. Do not cause any trouble. That goes for Mozzie as well!" Peter growls sternly. Caffrey nods quickly. "Their won't be any trouble." He replies. Peter glares at him for a moment to ensure the message is across before heading out for his lunch. Caffrey sighs deeply, checking that Peter is indeed gone before grabbing a sharp pair of scissors from desk…

Blood drips onto the bathroom floor. Crap! Caffrey rolls his eyes at his clumsy mistake, wiping it quickly away with toilet paper before turning to the scissors in hand, sliding them across his wrist again. They are not as good as his razor blade but they will have to do! He's desperate right now. It will take the edge off before he gets back to June's anyway. He thinks to himself, tears appearing in his eyes. He deserves this pain, he deserves every single cut for what he did, for what he lost. Stupid Caffrey, stupid Caffrey!

This helps that little bit, it calms him ever so. He did it a lot when Kate died yet it died down when he caught her killer only to start back up again after all this crap he caused! It was always something he could turn to. Kate caught him once, ages ago. She had cried for hours and begged Caffrey to never do it again and he tried, for Kate, he really tried but desperate times called for desperate measures!

His break was over ten minutes ago. Caffrey knows he should be in the office with Peter but he had to wait until the toilets were unoccupied before heading for the sink. This will have to be a quick one Caffrey, he tells himself as he cleans his fresh wounds, his eyes flickering over the scars littering his arms. When he was with Sara he would always use the best concealer to cover them up but since she left. Since he messed up! He didn't care about them being uncovered. He wore a suit daily after all!

Running his arms quickly under the tap, he dries them fast, wrapping toilet paper expertly around them with shaking hands. Pulling his sleeves down and his suit jacket on before splashing cold water on his face. A queasy feeling overcoming him, he rests his head against the mirror for a few moments. Stop, he tells himself. I am Neal Caffrey. He reassures himself before heading to the door armed with bloodied scissors and a fake smile.

"You're late!" Peter comments as Caffrey shuffles in. "Sorry Peter." He murmurs. "How was Mozzie?" He asks. "His normal paranoid self! You know, he's Mozzie." Caffrey lies with a smile. "You two better not be planning anything!" Peter grumbles as Neal takes his seat. His head starting to throb painfully. Ohh crap! He better not be coming down with something." Caffrey thinks to himself. Ignore it, ignore it and it will all go away. He tells himself. Peter looks over at Neal quizzically. Him and Mozzie better not be planning anything or so help him god! They won't know what's hit them! Yet Caffrey doesn't look too good, he is paler than usual and his eyes are slightly glassy. It is enough to make Peter want to go over to him and ask him what the hell is wrong with him and if he's sick go to the doctor then go home and rest. Yer before he can do any of the sort Diana enters the room, equipped with a file.

"Boss, we got a new one."

"The Mystical Missing Moonstone case. One of the worlds most priceless Moonstones was stolen from a secure location as of yesterday. It has been assigned to us. Read the details and memorize them!" Peter announces before moving over to Neal. "Neal was this you and Mozzie? Or just Mozzie?" He questions. Caffrey shrugs. "I have never seen this in my life. Moonstones are not really my thing, however I don't know about Mozzie. I'll ask." Caffrey sighs. Peter rolls his eyes. "He better not have." He hisses at Caffrey before returning to address the team. "It was stolen from a museum downtown. The theft was quick and the thief left without a trace." Peter says looking over at Neal, who's head is really starting to bother him now. "It will be the main focus of tomorrow. Meeting adjourned." Peter nods. Caffrey is up in a flash, moving quickly towards the exit. Peter grabs his arm, he winces. Peter notices yet says nothing. "Make sure you do talk to Mozzie, Neal. Are you alright?" He asks him curiously. "Never better." Caffrey grins before darting off leaving Peter in his office. He stares after Caffrey for a moment before turning to his desk and paperwork. He needs to neaten up some documents before he can return to his beloved El. Yet wonders when opening to draw where the hell his scissors have disappeared off to?

The scissors in question are in fact in Caffrey's sink, washing off all the blood so they can be returned. Peter won't notice though. It's just a pair of scissors! Caffrey thinks from the bathroom floor, leaning against the toilet bowl where he had thrown up twice. His head pulsating almost, so bad it feels like it is about to split open and now his throat is starting to hurt and feels incredibly scratchy. Yet despite all the discomfort Caffrey finds himself in there is a shred of hope as now he is reunited with his lovely, lovely razor blade!

Wrapping towels around his heavily bleeding arms Caffrey places his blade back where it belongs, behind the frame. Before collapsing onto his bed, shivering all over, wanting to cry in pain. He doesn't have any painkillers left either! Mozzie took them all the last time. It will pass! He tells himself as he rolls over onto his front. Stifling a sob as the doorbell rings. He quickly pulls a shirt on and abandons the bloodstained towels, putting a paper towel on instead as he races to the door, a knock sounding out again. He throws it open. Not expecting to find Alexandra Hunter on his doorstep.

"Alex…" He croaks hoarsely. She looks him up and down worriedly. "Neal?" She whispers, they look at each other with different expressions, one of worry and the other of surprise. Neither of them mentioning the large moonstone hanging from around Alex's neck…


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own While Collar. All rights go to their respective owners.

 

Chapter Two

 

“You alright Caffrey?” Alex asks worriedly. He nods briefly. “Yeah I'm ok. What do you want Alex?” Neal asks tiredly. “Can I come in? We need to discuss this privately.” Alex looks around worriedly, not entirely trusting of her surroundings considering Caffrey works with the Feds and all. “Sure.” Caffrey murmurs, making his way over to the sofa, collapsing upon it. Alex leans against the table continuing to look worriedly at Caffrey, who shuts his eyes in pain. “Are you sure you're alright Neal?” Alex asks again. Caffrey nods. “Fine, Alex. I'm fine. What is it you wish to speak to me about. Didn't realise you were back in town.” Caffrey notes. “Only just got here. First place I've come to is here.” She admits. “Nice.” Neal murmurs. Alex rolls her eyes at him. This is very unlike the Neal Caffrey she's used to, his spark has gone, he isn't making his usual comments yet she continues on regardless. She is. In fact surprised, she would have thought that Neal would have noticed the Moonstone by now. What is wrong with him? She wonders to herself.  
“And I am here because I've discovered something that may be of some interest to you.” She smiles. “What Alex?” Neal sighs. “This rather interesting moonstone you have failed to notice.”

 

Upon Alex's words Caffrey’s eyes snap open, his rather blurry vision coming into focus just that little bit to focus of the moonstone hanging from around her neck. He really must be sick if he missed that one! He thinks to himself, sitting up yet failing drastically at that!  
“Alex… How do you have this? This is the subject of Peter’s case.” He whispers, his voice slightly hoarse. “The Feds already know about this?” Alex murmurs, great! She thinks. “Yes, Peter brought it up as today's main focus. It's our new case. How do you have it?” Caffrey cries. “I didn't steal it, it was given to me by a contact of mine. It's got an interesting story to it.” She smiles, removing the necklace, holding it out toward Neal for him to see clearer. “Lay it on me.” Neal sighs. “Apparently it's part of a collection of seven jewels. Rumour has it you get all seven and it unlocks a great mystery.” She reveals. “No, no way. Last time there was something like this there was the treasure and…” Caffrey trails off, the events rushing back to him. Wishing immediately Alex wasn't there, he needs his razor blade, he needs the razor blade…  
“I'm sure it's nothing like that. This is a new mystery! A new mystery Neal and come on! I'll even let you involve Mozzie, we can split the reward between us because even if there isn't anything when we get all seven. These seven jewels are sure going to fetch a pretty good price!” Alex smirks. “I, I can't do this to Peter.”  
“Who cares about him? Caffrey this is the adventure of a lifetime! Please say you'll help me.” Alex begs. Neal sighs. He needs to face reality. Peter is probably never going to forgive him again for all he's done, what's the harm in doing this really. Mozzie can do this to. Him, Mozzie and Alex, a force to be reckoned with. He's Neal Caffrey the con man. This is what he does, as what else does he have really? He turns to face Alex wearily.  
“I'm listening.”  
Peter finishes his work at quarter to six, his mind buzzing with happiness at finally being able to leave and go home to his wonderful wife yet some thing is on his mind and no, it's not just the Moonstone, the thought of that brings up thoughts of Mozzie. If Caffrey didn't do it then Mozzie is the second culprit to turn to! No, what is playing heavily on Peter’s mind is Caffrey. Today, he had, had him worried, Caffrey isn't usually like that and thinking about it some more, this is what he has been like the past few weeks, yet Peter has only noticed it more recently. Yes he is distrustful of Neal but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about the ex con man. At all honesty he looks at Neal like he would a son, no matter what he has done will ever make him hate Neal, never and more importantly he knows when something is bothering him and something definitely is and if it isn't the fact he is guilty for this new moonstone crime then what can it be? What can be wrong with Neal Caffrey?

 

“Hey hon!” Peter calls as he walks through the door, Satchmo padding over instantly, he strokes his dog before moving into the living room. “Suit!” Mozzie calls cheerfully from him couch. Peter rolls his eyes, remembering the days when he could come home and not find criminals on his couch!  
“Mozzie. Shouldn't you be with Neal?” Peter murmurs as El appears, moving to kiss her husband. “Mozzie was teaching me this new dessert recipe. Could work well for business.” She smiles. “I assure you it will be worshipped Mrs Suit.” Mozzie grins. Peter sighs as El races back off to the kitchen. “You’re going to be our food tester!” She calls. Peter groans, many of a time he has had to do this for El and it has been a many of those times when he didn't like the unusual recipes she had concocted! Taking the opportunity though, Peter looks down at Mozzie. “Have you heard about this missing Moonstone?” He asks with a raised eyebrow in suspicion. “I have heard of it Suit, it's headline news. Did I steal it? No I did not and Neal didn't either, from what I believe.” Mozzie replies honestly, as he really, really didn't steal this moonstone (but that doesn't mean he isn't wishing he had!) he doesn't believe Neal has either. Neal would have mentioned it if he had! Peter looks at Mozzie, he knows he is telling the truth from the fact he doesn't look nervous as he usually does if it was he who committed the crime. He decides to change the subject.  
“How was Neal today at lunch?” Peter asks Mozzie who looks at Peter in surprise. “What do you mean? I didn't see Neal at lunch today I was here with Mrs Suit.” Mozzie replies as El wanders back in, nodding to her husband. “Yes Mozzie was here with me Peter.” She smiles. “Caffrey told me he was meeting you for lunch today. Was that never in the plans?” Peter asks. “No. It most definitely was not. I would have remembered if it was.” Mozzie confirms. “Then why would he lie to me?” Peter questions, picking up his phone. “I'm calling him.” He growls. “Ohh hon I'm sure Neal wasn't doing anything bad!” El sighs. “He lied to me El, he must have had a reason for that!” Peter murmurs. Yet not in anger, in worry for Neal. He decides to confess that. “I'm not angry, I'm worried about him. He hasn't been himself.” He admits, Mozzie nods. “I can back you up there Suit. He's been distant from me even. Me! His best friend.” Mozzie rolls his eyes. El looks at them both in worry. “Maybe you should call him.” She encourages Peter who shakes his head. “I'm sure everything's fine, I mean if things were really wrong with Neal, we would have noticed. Right?”

 

Alex waits patiently on the couch whilst Caffrey is in the bathroom. Unbeknownst to her what Caffrey is doing behind the closed door. He couldn't wait anymore, he couldn't control the urge and is now exhaustedly cleaning up his bloody mess off the floor, the sink and his blades, which he slides back into his pocket whilst he bandages his arms. Hopefully Alex won't notice, he thinks as he rests his aching head against the cool wall before moving back toward the sofa. Alex watches him shuffle over and collapse against the sofa. Bravely she rests her hand on his knee. He looks at her with fearful blue eyes that look like they are about to spill with tears at any moment. He's hot to touch.  
“So how do we find these jewels, considering we have one of them already.” He questions. “Apparently there is a list of there locations and what they are, that is already being procured for me. I will have it by the end of next week and we can proceed from there. Do you want to get Mozzie involved?” She asks kindly. He shrugs his shoulders. “I'll think about it.” He murmurs. Alex nods, getting to her feet. “I shall be off then. Don't tell the Feds I'm back in town?” She begs as Caffrey gets up with her as they head toward the door. Alex looks up at Neal with a smile before moving to embrace him, he wraps his arms around her, burying his face into her shoulder. She can feel the heat radiating off him.  
“Jesus, Caffrey. You’re burning up!” She comments resting her hand against his forehead, running her fingers through his messy hair. He's sick, that's why he's been acting strange. “I'm alright Alex.” He does his best to attempt to smile at her. “Do you want me to stay? I don't know if it's safe to leave you alone in this state!” She protests. “I'm fine Alex. Mozzie is looking after me, literally he's at the store now buying me god knows what soup!” He smirks. She eyes him worriedly before pulling him in for another hug, rubbing his back comfortingly. “Get well soon Neal, I'll be thinking of you and Mozzie better do a dam good job of looking after you or I'm intervening!” She hisses menacingly. Caffrey smiles as she heads through the door. Alex bites her lip as she runs down the stairs, her thoughts filled with nothing but sorry for Caffrey but he's got Mozzie to care for him. He’ll be fine! She assures herself, unaware of the rather visible bloodstains on her back…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading it means the world. Please tell me what you think of this chapter and if I should add more thanks again for reading :)


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own White Collar. All rights go to their respective owners.

 

Chapter Three

 

As the hours go by Neal feels worse and worse and worse by each passing moment. The blood loss doesn't help his condition one bit but he can't help it. He has to keep cutting. He stumbles around in the bathroom, continuously wrapping new bandages around his bleeding arms. No one can know. No one can know! He fears someone coming in, disturbing him, finding out about his little secret. June, Mozzie, Peter, El or even worse now, Alex! They could walk in at any second! They wouldn't accept it, they wouldn't understand it or they would and they would be happy with what he was doing as he hurt them. He hurt each and every one of them. He couldn't help himself, he just did. He's hurt them all in his lifetime, they would see what he was doing as a good punishment for his crimes against his friends. They would believe that he deserved it. He does deserve this, he deserves all the pain, every single cut he deserves them all! No one would care, of course no one would care because he hurt them and he knows that despite the smiles they wear everyday, the constant reassurance that he's their friend. All lies all a con! He's a failure, he's a let down. That's who Neal Caffrey is and that's who he always shall be in the eyes of his associates.  
He remembers pulling a clean shirt on, a long one and a dressing gown despite the sweat pouring down his face from his fever! He remembers trying to reach his bed before collapsing in a heap on the floor.

 

Alex Hunter walks confidently down the street, her mind on her job. She can imagine the seven jewels standing right in front of her. Her's to do as she pleased, yet despite the thoughts of precious jewels her mind is also processing the thought of the very sick Caffrey she encountered earlier. Mozzie better have gotten to him! She thinks as she crosses the road. Maybe she shouldn't have left, he didn't look like he should have been left alone. Her worry gets to a point where she is actually considering dropping a note right outside The Feds office addressed to that agent Peter Burke. He would go straight to Neal and would ensure he was taken care of. But Neal did say Mozzie was going to him and had only just left him to fetch food for Neal, she should believe that. She wants to believe that. Neal wanted her to believe that but that's the thing about Neal Caffrey, he's a goddam excellent con man!

 

She checks her phone nervously. Why Caffrey! Why! She thinks as she sits on a bench. Why has he gotten her this worried? He's Neal freaking Caffrey for gods sake! She loves him, that's something she cannot hide, she loves him more than the world. He doesn't know that, she believes, he doesn't know just how much she loves him. He either doesn't know or he ignores it because he's Neal Caffrey! She knows what his first love did to him. Kate Moreau. How her death destroyed him. She hated knowing what had happened there. Well she would be lying if she said a part of her wasn't happy that Kate was out of the picture. It meant Caffrey was a free man. Free to love someone else, free to love her… But no, that was not to be as along came Sara Ellis from Sterling Bosch! She enchanted Neal, Alex could tell that! Yet where was she when she came to his apartment? She wasn't by his side, nursing him back to health as Alex would have done! She rolls her eyes and tries to push everything Neal Caffrey out of her mind. That is until she sees the all too familiar face of Mozzie crossing the street…

 

Neal’s head swims with fever, he cannot see straight. He cannot see anything at all until a cool hand comes to rest on his forehead. “Neal! Neal!” A familiar voice cries, tears running down the persons face. Neal blinks as he looks up into the eyes of Kate Moreau…  
“Kate? No, no your gone. Your dead.” He whispers. “You have an extremely high fever Neal. I'm just a figment of your feverish dreams.” She replies with a smile. Neal smiles. “I love you. I'm sorry I didn't get to the plane, I'm sorry for going after Adler I messed up Kate. I got you killed!” He cries. “No you didn't. I should never have agreed for those bombs to be put on that plane Neal. I caused my own death, I'm just so glad that Peter managed to distract you and that you didn't die with me. Don't blame yourself Neal, please don't.” She whispers, kissing his forehead gently. “I should have died with you Kate. I should be dead for all the things I've done.” He practically sobs. “No. No, no! Don't think that Neal, never think that!” She murmurs softly to him. “I don’t want you to be in my head.” He whimpers. “I know.” She replies. “I want you back Kate. I miss you so much.” He admits, she nods. “And I miss you too Neal. I will always and forever love you.” She smiles as she puts his head in her lap. “I don't want to wake up.” He closes his eyes tiredly. “I don't think your going to for a while yet! You are still ridden with fever and blood loss isn't helping.” She rolls her eyes at him. “Blood loss…” Caffrey trails off. “You’re cutting again. You can't do this Neal! You can't keep hurting yourself! You have to stop. You've got to stop!” She sobs. “Kate please, please don't.” Neal murmurs. “When I saw you doing that the first time do you remember that?” She practically growls. “If your just a part of my imagination then you can forget talking to me about that. It's not something I need to talk about…”  
“Yes Neal, it is most definitely something that needs to be talked about! No one knows other than you. Peter doesn't know, Mozzie doesn't know, even Alex is unaware that you told her a whole lot of bullshit earlier!” She yells at him. “And that's how it has to be. It's not like they'd care if they knew. They don't have to know. It's my secret and it is never going to be revealed.” Neal says firmly. “I know, I see you prepared yourself for every eventuality! Long sleeves and a dressing gown! It's not going to make the blind bit of difference Neal and you know it!” She snaps. “Kate don't be mad.” Neal whispers, trying to forget that this is all in his head. “I am mad Neal! You promised me! What do you think is going to happen when the eventuality happens? When Peter finds out! You need to stop, I don't want anything happening to you.” She strokes his cheek gently whilst tears stream down her face. Seeing Kate cry always broke Neal’s heart but this time it's different. She's not here, she's gone, she's dead. This time she can't stop him. “I'm sorry Kate but things won't change.” Neal admits as he closes his eyes again. This time he doesn't open them and when he eventually manages to. Kate is gone, all there is, is the ceiling of his apartment and the cold floor beneath him. It was only just a dream. A heartbreaking, soul destroying dream for Neal Caffrey.

 

“Mozzie! Mozzie!” Alex growls at him as he notices her, biting his lip nervously. He never really trusted Alex that much and only really accepted her because he knew that she was one of Neal's greatest friends. Why couldn't she be bothering Neal? He thinks as she glares at him angrily.  
“What on earth are you doing? How could you just leave him like that!” Alex yells. Mozzie looks at her in confusion. “Nice to see you to Alex. What do you mean? I'm having to go shopping with the Suit. Trip from hell! Who have I left?” He questions in confusion. Alex calms a little. “Ohh so your going shopping for Neal with the fed. Surprising really, thought you hated them.” She folds her arms. “What are you on about? The Suit is making me go shopping for Mrs Suit. She ran out of ingredients and…”  
“MOZZIE!” Comes the angry voice of Peter as he catches up with them. “Don't try and get a head start on me. El needs this for her business! You listen to my wife and do as she says!” He mutters as he notices Alex. “Wait so you don't know about Neal?” Alex looks at him worriedly. “What's wrong with Neal? Why do people keep asking me if I've seen him today? I haven't!” Mozzie throws his arms up in the air. Alex bites her lip. Peter looks between them. “What's wrong with Caffrey?” He asks glaring at Alex, who shakes her head in frustration. “Goddamit Caffrey!” She growls before racing off in the direction that will take her straight back to Caffrey's place. She knew he was lying to her, she should have stayed with him, she should have stayed! She thinks to herself as Peter notices something. “Alex!” He calls her, she ignores him. He jogs over to her and grabs her arm. “Alex why do you have bloodstains on your back?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading. Please tell me what you thought of this chapter and if it was any good and if I should continue with this story.


End file.
